|
|
Saturday, October 8th, 2005
| |
12:40 pm - Rain
|
Rain. Finally a breath.
When you’ve been keeping in so much for so long, a rainy day comes a long and seems to free you of all of the endless pain and fear we jail up in our mind. My solace, my savior. I can always count on a rainy day to come in time when I really feel like crying. When it rains, you don’t have to cry, because you feel like the world has stopped to pour out its emotions for you. You feel like the world doesn’t just go round and round no matter what hardships you’re going through. Because for one day, everyone has to feel like they’re crying too. Its always a relief to know that you aren’t the only one in the world who feels …damp.
current mood:  thoughtful
current music: Verve Pipe
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
| Sunday, September 18th, 2005
| |
11:53 am - Rejection
|
Wow, its been along time...I actually forgot I had one of these. Anyways...School has started full blast now and its Junior year, so alot of pressure and stress come with that. The funny thing is, is that ever since I was little I've had this incredible fear of Junior year. The whole college process, the competition between students, best friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, siblings, the whole thing sounded like it was going to be the most miserable year of my life. And now I'm here. Within the first two days of school I was having a nervous breakdown. My best friend was at a new school and I had few classes with my friends at school. It appeared to be as bad as I thought it would be. But then I started calming down. Thank god! Now I've found a pattern, a rhythm to live by. Except one thing...last week I tried out for three plays....three auditions in five days. The whole idea of it was scary because I always get extremely nervous at my auditions. This time though, the first audition which meant the most to me wasn't that scary at all! I had overcome my fear of auditions. But when the cast list went up my name was no where to be found. It was dissapointing, but I moved on. I was a little sad that all my friends got in and I didn't because I knew that it would only break us apart more, but so far I think it will be ok and I'm so proud of them. I got back up on my horse and went on to the next audition where I wasn't nervous and I gave it my all, but of course, once again, I got the shaft. This, being a community theater play though, meant that everyone gets in, and I got a part, so I had nothing to complain about. You're probably thinking I hope she stopped trying out after that, because her experiences should tell her that she....well, sucks. But of course, I didn't listen to reason, and tried out for another play. I got a part this time! Hooray! only I realized my schedule wouldn't fit in another play if I wanted to get into college. So yah...thats my tale of woe. Even though its been the most stressful week ever though, I've never been happier...
It can only get better from here, right?
current mood:  hopeful
current music: Madeleine Peyroux
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Saturday, August 6th, 2005
| |
4:11 pm - spain
|
so here I am, about to leave for spain in a little over 24 hours. I'm sitting at home, and there is nothing to do except for maybe read, finish packing completely, and clean out a closet that needs to be cleaned out before I leave...but of course I don't want to do any of it. I've become pretty lazy after all my camps and its really awful.I'll get over this phase soon enough. but right now, all I can think about is how no one is home, either that or I have absolutely no friends. hopefully its the latter. But I keep putting this away message up that says "last time to call before I leave!" and no one ims or calls. a strange feeling of loneliness creeps down into my stomach when I check my email and I don't have any...except for that one I've been saving from a friend from camp. I know the feeling is just temporary, and that when I come home my best friend will appear from her South African/London trip and my other three friends will have returned from Cape Cod, one from Israel, another from a trip across the US and others from Camps all over New England and I won't know why I felt this way... but sometimes, even when everyone is home I feel a little seperated, a little disconnected and alone.I know that I'm not really alone here, I have my parents, my dog, all my MIA friends...but theres something deeper that I'm starting to realize thats missing, I don't know what it is yet, but hopefully I'll find it soon before I really am...alone.
current mood:  pensive
current music: Wayne Shorter-beyond the sound Barrier
|
|
(2 comments | comment on this)
|
| Friday, August 5th, 2005
| |
4:53 pm - hey
|
so this is new...
I haven't written in one of these for a while, but I figured that enough has been going on that it was time to write some of it down. So this summer has been insane...Long Lake Camp, Litchfield Camp, and now once again I'm going off on another adventure in spain. At Long Lake this year, it was different. There was alot of fighting and girls being mean to other girls...u know, everything you can expect when you live in a small room with eight girls and only two mirrors. Yet, I met alot of nice guys who I had fun hanging out with. The theater and singing experience was great too. But the one thing I realized was that I really just felt most confident and had most fun when I was singing jazz. That brought me to jazz camp where there were so few girls that we all got along, and all of the 75 other boys and such were really cool. After I left I was really upset. I was betrayed by a friend, hurt by another, I felt like the good times of the summer were gone and everything was crashing down on me. I'd been living in this alternate universe at camp where everything was sheltered and I was removed from the world. The problems of course extend far past my stupid issues...terror in Iraq and now london where my brother is.......I wish I could go back to camp!
current mood:  distressed
current music: Norah Jones
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
loveisyourlegs's journal